July is National Orgasm Month, and we’ve got just the list you need to celebrate properly. But hey, orgasms should be celebrated all year long, no matter what month (;
Everyone needs a little inspiration from time to time, especially when it comes to intimacy. Over time we can fall into ruts; after all, don’t fix it if it ain’t broke, right? But that’s not true of sex and pleasure, because discovery and excitement is the best part!
1. Ask for what you want. One of the best ways to get hot and bothered, and actually stick the landing, is by asking for exactly what you want. Encouraging a partner for kisses here and touch there, more, deeper, or harder penetration… whew! Don’t be afraid to demand your desires.
2. Role-play. You don’t need an excuse to play dress up, but we’re giving you one. Have you wanted to role play as a maid, a nurse, or a pirate? If you’ve got a fantasy, especially if it’s one that puts you in the driver’s seat, suit up! If you haven’t tried role play before, ask your partner about their interesting or playful fantasies, and don’t be shy about sharing your own.
3. Edging. Almost there, almost there, almost there! Edging is a great tool for masturbation or partner play that makes the finish line much more satisfying. It’s a bit like teasing; if you don’t have control over your own orgasms this can help build mindfulness and more control. You can remove stimulation just as you get close to orgasm, whether it’s taking away a vibrator, penetration, or stopping oral sex. When you’ve cooled off a bit, resume and repeat!
4. Boost your self-confidence. Everyone deserves to feel good in bed, and loving yourself and your body is a great way to start. If you’re shy or nervous, it can be hard to ditch the anxiety and enjoy the ride. Take the time to practice some self-care, meditation, or purchase something new and sexy to wear. The more confident you feel, the more you can focus on pleasure.
5. Sensory deprivation. Sometimes, what you can’t see, hear, or touch is the best of all. Sensory deprivation in intimacy brings the focus on what you can feel. If you or a partner is wearing a blindfold, you’ve lost the sense of sight, so you’ll be forced to focus on whatever else might be happening, like oral sex or nipple play. You can also play games, challenging each other to keep absolutely silent. The inability to speak or moan puts the focus on pleasure.
6. Clitoral suction. Did you know a majority of people with vaginas report enjoying clitoral suction? Yet that’s not the go-to move many of us imagine when thinking of oral sex and clitoral simulation. The best toys for women and people with vaginas include clitoral suction and G-spot stimulation, but you can also ask a partner to practice this move on you.
7. Blended stimulation. Like we mentioned above, the best toys for women and people with vaginas combine clitoral suction and G-spot stimulation. That’s precisely why we created Osé. But there’s nothing stopping you from introducing blended stimulation with a partner; toys can be particularly helpful and take over for a hand or mouth. Blended orgasms, which come from simultaneous clitoral and G-spot stimulation, are truly life-changing, and we hope you’ll be able to experience one of your own.
8. Erotic massage. Watch out, slippery when wet—with massage oil, of course! We love the idea of erotic massage for couples and highly recommend it before anal play. It’s also a great form of foreplay that feels compassionate and intimate. Some massage oils double as lubricant, making the big moment that much easier. Melted wax from candles can be used to introduce temperature play as well. Test out tantric massage and get ready to get oiled, close, and intimate.
9. Kegel exercises. Kegel exercises are great for so many reasons. They strengthen the pelvic muscles which support the uterus, bladder, small intestine and rectum. This increases vaginal health and can even help reduce pain during sex. It’s also a sure-fire way to make your orgasms more potent. Kegels can be done alone, or with toys to help.
10. Porn or sexy movies. If you’re looking for role play inspiration, feminist porn is a great place to start. We say feminist porn because other kinds of mainstream porn are often less than ideal, passing painful and unnatural sex off as normal. But the right film could get you in the mood. If porn isn’t your thing, try another kind of film that gets you going, whether it’s a sexy romcom or action movie.
11. New positions. Nobody wants to do the same thing all the time, and if your sex life feels blasé, a new position could be just the ticket. Have you had sex in the shower or bath? How about outdoors? Have you and your partner tried doggy-style, standing up, or sitting down in a chair? Test out new positions and locations to bring back the spark.
12. Extensive foreplay. Similar to edging, foreplay gets you properly aroused. The more turned on you are, if you have a vagina, the more natural lubricant you’ll have as well. This makes penetration much easier and less painful. Foreplay can also be a great way to show your partner you truly care about their pleasure, and aren’t just in a rush to get it over with. Encourage yourself and your partner to take your time. Five minutes of oral is nothing—you can do better than that!
13. Go with the flow. During the first two days of your cycle, your testosterone levels and libido soar and your breasts and clitoris are ultra-sensitive, says Gabrielle Lichterman, author of 28 Days: What Your Cycle Reveals about Your Love Life, Moods, and Potential. Orgasms may be more intense or come more easily to you. Use your natural cycle and menstrual flow (which happens all month, not just your period) to guide your sex life for better experiences.
14. Don’t pressure yourself. Remember, orgasms are great. In fact, there are tons of physical and emotional benefits. But it’s truly about the journey, not the destination. If you pressure yourself to climax, you’re less likely to get there. It’s okay if you don’t orgasm each time you have sex. You should enjoy the pleasure just the same. Removing the self-pressure makes orgasm much more likely and enjoyable.
15. Sex therapy and coaching. Do you have vulnerable or burning questions about sex? Are you ready to master your pleasure with the guidance of a sex pro? You might want to think about sexual wellness coaching sessions. Lora DiCarlo offers complimentary coaching sessions with each toy purchase, but we also have certified coaches on staff ready to book a one-on-one session with you any time. It’s personal, private, and designed to educate you for the best sex of your life.
16. Pegging. Ah, pegging. A much-maligned tool in heterosexual couples. But truly, we’d be remiss not to give a little advice that helps people with penises! After all, everyone deserves pleasure, and pegging hits the P-spot, often compared to the G-spot. Anal play requires patience and compassion, but the payoff is so worth it. It’s also a great tool in fantasy and role play, too.
17. Back to school. Don’t forget that sex education is a life-long pursuit. Your body will change, as will your preferences, as you grow and learn more about yourself. Never be afraid to continue your pleasure-seeking, and learn as much about your anatomy, body and desires as possible. There are only benefits to gain!
We’re willing to bet you’re rushing off to try some of these ideas right now, and we can’t blame you. Whether you’re gearing up for a hot solo session or sweaty partner play, introducing something new and exciting is sure to get you over that orgasmic finish line.