In today’s world of widespread and inaccurate sexual education, boundless access to performative porn, and a hookup culture devoid of catchy hooks, it can feel overwhelming trying to navigate the do’s and don’ts of oral sex. While there’s no clear definition as to what constitutes “good” oral sex, we can all agree that it is an art — one who’s magic is at the brink of being lost in a generation built on chasing short throughputs and suffering from even shorter attention spans. We’ve come a long way from “going down” and “giving face” being forbidden subjects of discussion, but it’s time to bring this connective act of pleasure to the forefront and take on the mission of making oral sex great again.
For starters, we think you should know that anti-sodomy laws weren’t ruled unconstitutional in the United States until 1994. Yup, you read that correctly. It’s no wonder shame often intercepts our gateways to enjoying the full benefits of sexual pleasure. It also wasn’t until 1994 when the U.S. National Institutes of Health (NIH) mandated that most medical research actually include people with vulvas (as before then, drugs and other new scientific findings were almost exclusively tested on penis-owners). Only in recent years have we begun to understand the vulva and its entirety with the help of inclusive research and ongoing radical discussions. Since we now know that two thirds of women require clitoral stimulation to orgasm, with 9% requiring other ways such as oral sex, it’s important we prioritize oral pleasure and all its wonders.
Humans have known for centuries just how good it feels to give and receive oral sex. Artifacts dating as far back as our earliest accounts of history depict our ancestors documenting the sexual joys of the mouth. It is clear that oral sex is just as empowering, fun, and exciting now as it was back then. Recent science has taught us that oxytocin, a hormone secreted from the pituitary gland that plays a huge role in the formation of love, bonding, and affection, is released during sexual experiences, including cunninglingus and fellatio. As one of the most intimate of sexual acts, oral sex is not only extremely pleasure-inducing for the receiver, but it can be a major turn-on for the giver as well — creating an intoxicating experience for all parties involved. From education to language, and from touch to environment, many factors have the power to make or break this intimate experience. Let’s elaborate.
Arguably the most important element to mastering the art of oral is remaining a student. It is said that you need 10,000 hours of practice to master any one skill and, well, we believe it’s no different when mastering the art of oral sex. Thousands of hours may be a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s a perfect reminder that good things take time, practice, understanding, and a ton of patience. Unfortunately, there is no A-to-B formula or “one size fits all” approach to giving head. All bodies are different, so you must remember to approach your partner’s body as a tourist — not a tour guide — while refraining from comparing them to previous partners, focusing on what they like instead of what you think you’re good at, and optimizing your strategy along the way.
Developing language around different techniques to please one another can help to facilitate conversations around intimacy, which ultimately lead to greater pleasure. Ask your partner: What motions feel the best? Circular motions, up-and-down motions, or a combination of both? Do you prefer slow strokes or fast ones? Maybe slow then fast? How much pressure is too much pressure? A little lubrication or a lot of lubrication? Licking, sucking, humming? All of the above? There are endless possibilities for communicating the menu of oral sex. Not to mention, expanding your sexual vocabulary makes for great dirty talk! Never be afraid to speak up and use your mouth (pun intended).
Taking your partner’s level of comfort into account is massively important when enhancing their experience. Some people love a spontaneous quickie in a random location while others may need hours of deep connection to fully get in the mood. Before going to town, ensure that the environment is conducive to proper relaxation. Whether that means absolute silence or baby-making R&B, the smell of freshly washed linen or the scent of a thousand candles, complete darkness or a red light special — set the mood according to what your lover desires in the moment and what will help them stay present.
No one ever said that oral sex is only about what the mouth can do. Transform standard head into superb head by utilizing your hands and the power of touch. Caress your partner’s erogenous zones, such as breasts and nipples, inner thighs, and butt. Pull back the labia majora for better aim and easier access. Use your full, flat tongue — not just the tip. Gently press down on their stomach to ever-so-slightly circumvent breathing. And don’t forget that fingering combined with tongue action is a mind-blowing combo as fingers can be used for greater control when stimulating your partner’s deepest, most sensitive parts.
Last but certainly not least, give those genitals your undivided attention. Slowing down, using eye contact, and making pleasure (not orgasm) the goal can heighten your overall experience and establish uncharted intimacy with your partner. Consider planning alternating nights to focus on only one partner the entire night. Making oral sex the theme of the night then making room for discussion afterwards allows you both to air out the throw-away techniques and celebrate the must-haves for the many pleasurable nights to come. No matter how you approach oral sex, remember to stay curious and continue to seek out ways to spice things up and discover all new pleasure points for you and your partner to explore.
We’ve covered the basics of all things oral, but what if you don’t currently have a partner or are quarantining apart? In these current Covid conditions, if you don't have a quarantine sex partner but you're missing getting down and getting some, Baci, Filare, and Carezza are there for you. You don’t need to miss out on great oral sex with Lora DiCarlo's line of oral sex simulators.
Excuse me while I start daydreaming about my next pleasure session. I hope you’ll do the same and really give oral the time and attention it deserves, solo or with a partner.