Okay, so you’ve heard about the clitoris — it’s a pleasure powerhouse, and it’s a purely sexual organ. You’ve also probably seen the jokes making fun of guys who can’t seem to find it — but in all honesty, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. After all, sex education doesn’t exactly cover the clitoris, and it can be hard to ask a partner to experiment and learn. We get it!
That’s why we’re giving you what you need, and what your partner really wants. All your burning questions about the clitoris, where it is, how to pleasure it and what toys are best for partner play and an amazing orgasm are all answered in this post. Let’s dive in, and remember, part of sexual wellness is learning.
If this is all new to you, we’re so glad you’re taking the step to educate yourself about sexual arousal, and we’re proud you’re trying something new.
What is the clitoris?
The clitoris is the most innervated organ in the human body. It has more than 8,000 nerve endings bundled into a 10-centimeter anatomical wonder and is located near the “top” of the vulva.
The vulva is the organ in its entirety and includes the pubic mound (the part below the belly button and before the juicy parts), labia, clitoris, and vagina. Just ten (yes, only ten!) years ago we finally gained access to a 3-D image of the entire clitoris. Commonly thought of as just the tiny, hooded glans clitoris, aka “the button” or clitoral bulb, the clitoris is actually much larger than that.
The majority of the structure is internal, made up of the body, the crura, and the bulbs. The body is the internal continuation of the glans. The crura extends from the body to the left and right, wrapping around the vaginal opening sort of like a wishbone shape. The bulbs extend from the front of the crura, wrapping around the front of the vaginal canal.
Where is the clitoris?
If you look at the labia, or the lips, of the vulva, you’ll see a small area where they connect. You may notice a small “pearl” or raised button-looking organ where the labia meet, underneath the clitoral hood. The clitoral hood is a fold of skin that surrounds and protects the clitoris.
However, it’s also normal to not really see a noticeably raised structure; the clitoris is made up of erectile tissue and becomes enlarged when aroused. Some people liken it to the female equivalent of a penis, but that is incorrect. The clitoris is much more complex than that.
Some experts, like Brian Nox, the author of She Comes First have theorized the clitoris is actually the “root” of the G-spot, that internal pleasure button inside the vagina. It makes a lot of sense, and goes to show how much we still have to learn about the clitoris. Remember, medical cadavers used to be male-bodied individuals or people with penises, and medical bias has held back our understanding of the vulva for, well, centuries.
Clitoral Stimulation: How to stimulate the clitoris digitally and orally
A whopping *93% of people with vaginas enjoy clitoral stimulation during sex. In fact, it is the most preferred type of erotic stimulation by far and can result in powerful clitoral orgasms. Since your partner has such a great pleasure center, it’s important to know how to work with it!
*Female Sexual Pleasure Study, Attitudes and Usage, June 2019
First and foremost, we can’t stress enough the importance of using a good lube. Always, friends: lube, lube, lube it up. Even during solo play, adding some extra moisture to your most sensitive areas is going to give you a better experience. It can eliminate potentially painful friction and enhance sensations. Go ahead and squeeze some on — we love our own Well Balanced Lube with CBD because it instantly relaxes your muscles and enhances the sensations for bigger, better orgasms.
Next, start slow. The clitoris is mainly made up of erectile tissue, which means it takes a little time to become fully aroused. This is why foreplay is necessary! You can even try stroking around the organ a bit before directly stimulating the glans clitoris; this often helps build arousal.
We surveyed more than 1,000 people with vulvas about the specific kind of stimulation they like on their clitoris, and here’s what they had to say:
- 61% prefer a sucking motion or oral sex
- 58% prefer pulsing or vibrating
- 54% prefer an up-and-down stroking motion on top of the glans
- 50% prefer circle or oval strokes around the glans
- 45% prefer a side to side motion
- 41% prefer strokes in wide circles or ovals
- 32% prefer pushing in one spot
- 26% prefer flicking or thrusting
- 21% prefer tapping
- 13% prefer pinching
- 12% prefer a diagonal motion
- 12% prefer biting
Given that so many people have so many distinct loves, communication between couples is incredibly important. You should be asking what your partner likes!
4 best clitoris toys for couples
Not ready to start pleasuring a clitoris orally or with your fingers? Just want to make sure you’ve got a trusty toy designed to deliver? Hey, we got you! Here are our favorite and best sex toys for women and people with vulvas, sure to please the clitoris!
Baci is a top seller for a reason. This clitoral stimulator simuates the feeling of good oral sex any time, anywhere. You can have your partner hold it on their clitoris while you penetrate them, or make it spicy and pleasure them fully before penetration for an indulgent experience.
Baci is particularly powerful because it covers the clitoris, clitoral hood and the surrounding area fully for more stimulation.
Drift is our take on the classic bullet vibrator and it’s an upgrade you’ll love to love. The warming feature heats quickly to just above body temperature for a soothing, gentle experience, and the shape is great for beginners since it’s familiar and easy to use. Adjust the speed and vibration patterns for clitoral play or use the curved shape internally to please the G-spot.
Carezza’s PercussionTouch technology is also unique and mimics a gently tapping human finger on or near the glans clitoris. Pinpointed stimulation pad mimics a stroking and pulsating fingertip on your clitoris, and a rounded tip covered in soft-touch silicone nestles against your body for a sensual experience and a clitoral orgasm. Use this in a similar way to Baci and Filare, and don’t forget the lube!
So here’s the thing—if you’re into learning new tricks and pleasing new body parts, it’s likely you’ll want some of the attention, too! Sway is your best fit in that case because it’s a dual-ended adult toy designed for all genders and bodies. One end is designed specifically for the clitoris and G-spot, and the other was created for the anus and prostate.
Plus, the gentle warming feature means it’ll provide a relaxing and soothing experience for newbies, and couples will love trading back and forth. Just be sure to clean thoroughly with our product cleaner after backdoor action; you don’t want any infections! This includes cleaning underneath the clitoral hood and around the labia, where product and fluid can build up easily.
Ready, set, play!
Hey, look at you go! You’re now armed with the info, tools, and toys you’ll need to please any partner’s clitoris. Although oragsm may not always be your goal and you should never feel pressured to perform, with a little communication and patience (and lots of delicious practice) we know you’ll hit those big time Os in no time. Have fun out there!