We talk a lot about the importance of masturbation for your overall health and well-being, but it’s equally as important to have great consensual partnered sex. Our culture is often focused on male pleasure, and female pleasure is often considered secondarily. We don’t think many would argue with the fact that when our partner experiences pleasure and orgasms, it enhances our own experience as well. Partnered sex should be pleasurable for all involved. Just as with solo play, there’s no ceiling to the potential pleasure of partnered sex.
Sexual Health and Partnered Sex
We often think of sexual health as something that is for you as an individual, but it extends to your interactions with your partner(s) as well. Sexual health is about taking care of all aspects of our sexuality: physical and emotional health, sexual rights, pleasure, and intimacy. Partner play is intertwined with all aspects of your sexual health.
Taking care of our physical sexual health involves learning about and becoming comfortable with our bodies. Learning about our anatomy, exploring our bodies, and paying attention to any changes that occur are all ways we can be more responsible for our physical well-being. When we’re with a partner our physical health can affect them and vice versa.
Cultivating open and honest conversations with our partners is an important aspect of our emotional health. And so too, is feeling comfortable and confident in our bodies and sexuality. Your sexual rights are a major part of overall wellness. Knowing your rights gives you control over your sexuality, ensuring your safety and well-being. We all have the right to equality, non-discrimination, and safe, non-violent sex, among others.
Sexual pleasure is important to our overall health and wellness. Orgasms help us sleep better, reduce stress, strengthen our immune system, and can even help reduce pain due to the endorphins released with pleasure. Knowing what we like is empowering, which can positively affect our relationships with ourselves and our partners. And, it feels great!
All of that being said, we suggest keeping sex pleasure-orientated instead of orgasm-oriented. Paradoxically, when we try too hard to achieve orgasm during sex, it makes it that much harder to actually do so. Orgasms come when we’re relaxed and experiencing deep pleasure. If you or your partner is too focused on the outcome, it takes everyone out of the moment and too much pressure is put onto something that’s meant to be an enjoyable experience. Focus on pleasuring each other (which is one of the best parts of sex anyway) and the orgasms will come naturally. (Wink, wink.)
Keep things playful and fun! Orgasm boredom—that’s right, we said it—does exist. We’ve all been there, and we can admit that not all orgasms are created equal. We can all get into a rut—going through the motions and repeating what we know has worked a hundred times before—resulting in a lackluster, unsatisfying orgasm.
Break the Routine
So, what can you and your partner(s) do to keep sex fun and exciting? Try doing a hard reset. Go back to basics and start the entire journey over again. Imagine you’ve never had an orgasm and didn’t know what got you off—where would you start? Starting as far from your regular routine as possible is a great way to shake things up. It’s a great way to reconnect with yourself and your partner.
Don’t forget the foreplay! Foreplay is integral to having great sex. Building up the anticipation by exploring many different erogenous zones leads to a gradual increase in arousal, creating intense and dynamic sensations. To be cliché, the journey contributes to the experience of the destination—a mind-blowing orgasm.
You can also try setting a date to be intimate in the near future. This builds the anticipation and allows for uninterrupted time for you and your partner to explore and savor the experience. You won’t feel as rushed trying to squeeze in sex before bed.
Be open to new types of orgasms. We know that most people with vaginas need external clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, but our bodies are capable of experiencing so many different types of orgasms, why not explore the possibility of another type of pleasure?
When experimenting with different types of pleasure, it’s helpful to learn about your unique anatomy and what forms of stimulation work for you. Adult toys such as Osé can help you discover new ways to enjoy your body. When you know what works for you, it becomes easier to articulate to a partner what gets you off, making the experience better for both of you.
According to our research, the two most commonly enjoyed forms of stimulation are clitoral and vaginal. Simultaneous vaginal and clitoral orgasms are known as a blended orgasm, often called the holy grail of orgasms. Osé is designed to provide blended orgasms. Designed to mimic the motion of human fingers, mouth, and tongue, it’s flexible body can be molded into a wide range of positions to fit your unique anatomy. Since all bodies are different, not everyone’s G-spot is in the same location. Experiment with Osé in different positions until you find your G-spot. (If you want to learn more about finding your G-spot you can do so here). After you’ve adjusted the flexible body so that the G-spot massager is at the right depth and angle, and explored Osé’s multiple settings to find what’s most pleasurable to you, you can then show your partner. They can then replicate the shape, depth, and angle with their own fingers. This is easier than trying to explain to your partner where to find your G-spot, especially if they don’t have a vagina.
Partner play should be fun, exciting and consensual. You don’t have to be within the confines of the traditional model to have partnered sex. Polyamory, other lifestyles, and casual sex are all valid ways of expressing your personal sexuality. Sex, whether partnered or solo, is about expressing ourselves and having fun, pleasurable experiences. Just remember, relax, have fun and explore. There are endless possibilities for great pleasure and amazing orgasms.